How to Become a Badass Anime Character
We've all seen anime and said to ourselves "Wow that guy is badass" or "I wish I were like that guy". Well now you can be like them! With Evasource's guide on how to become a brooding psychotic badass anime character, you can transform yourself into the epitome of coolness. Read on if you're prepared to make your last smile...
Step 1: Controlling your Emotions
Easier said than done. Now what do I mean by controlling emotions? Well, basically, it's like this: You don't laugh when someone cracks a really funny joke, you never cry, you have no anticipation, you have no guilt, no nothing. Now how can one attain this, you ask? Simple. An easy exercise for beginners is to look at yourself in the mirror and name everything that's wrong about you. Just start picking apart your deepest secrets, your hideous warts, everything! Keep doing that for 10 minutes a day (preferably after a shower but I don't really see how it would affect you otherwise). After you think you've mastered this (or you can't stand the torture anymore), approach people and ask them what your good and bad qualities are. If they refuse to answer, beginning to agitate them in anyway possible to withdraw their true feelings of you. Once you have successfully destroyed all your emotional links to friend and family, continue on to step two...
Step 2: Looking badass
Ok, so you've become an emotionless monster that feels nothing and feels no guilt for doing things. GOOD. Now we come to image. Now there are a lot of ways to look like a brooding depressed psychotic badass anime character. My personal favorite is the trench coat (IE Aoshi from Kenshin and to some extent Vash from Trigun) or the cloak (although people may look at you as a deviant as opposed to psychotic). When choosing hair styles, it's important to remember you can't make your hair look banana style like in DragonBall so go for something more conservative like the spiked up effect (Vash from Trigun) or the classic mushroom center part (Aoshi from Kenshin and Future Trunks from DBZ). Trying to get individual strands of hair to hang down making you look like actual anime characters is not recommended, but I will tell you now, conventional hair gel WILL NOT WORK. Try something like rubber cement or crazy glue. The sunglasses are usually characteristic of a character that wishes to shield his face or soul from others. When choosing sunglasses, remember that they have to have thin frames and black shades so no one can see through them. People have an advantage over you when they can see your eyes. Remember, brooding depressed psychotic badass anime characters DO NOT wear shorts or jeans. Preferably loose hanging pants, but make sure you don't sag. As for footwear, no you can't wear sneakers. Black boots or casual shoes that look badass. I'll leave socks up to you, but please no stripes! As for a shirt, make it a plain colored shirt of your choice that is either sleeveless or full sleeves. Badass anime characters don't typically wear "Nuke the Whales" t-shirts. The final part of your image has to include a mysterious object of some sort. It instills fear into those around you as they wonder what you could be carrying. You could wrap up your household broom and carry it on your back like a sword for all I care, just as long as it instills fear!
Step 3: Learning a Deadly Art
This step makes sure no one fucks with you when you're attempting to become a brooding psychotic badass anime character. How stupid would it be if you were walking down the street, you got your trench coat and sunglasses shit going, and some wiener comes up to you and trips you? You'd feel like an ass, wouldn't you? So learn a deadly art to fuck him up bad! The typical arts to learn would be kempo (karate) or kenjitsu (swords). Be creative though. That wiener would never expect you to pull out a screwdriver and get kung fu on his ass... If you prefer to go the way of guns (IE Vash), do it at your own discretion. I'm not responsible for you fucks out there that are going to enter a public place and get your ass busted. Then again, you always have the good old fashioned fists and feet. Giving someone a hernia by flicking them in the back is always a useful skill.
Step 4: Being able to Control Your Body
Ok now you must be asking "Liquid, what the fuck do you mean?" Well first, shut the fuck up. Second, controlling your body means doing whacked out shit that would normally send a person screaming like a little school girl. Things like cutting your finger to test your blade, or cutting your arm off in order to save your woman from being raped by one of the new prime evils (uh... it happened in Berserk!). A simple exercise that I would recommend is using water. Turn your shower to bitter cold. Now here is the test of will. Jump into the shower and do nothing. Don't flinch, don't shiver, nothing. Hold yourself in that position for 2 min until your body is used to the cold. Do that EVERYDAY and you will have no problem with temperature. Another thing to do is buy your trench coat or whatever you wish to use and wear it everywhere. Even when you're in the house. This way, you'll eventually raise you body temperature to a stable constant with the jacket on. This reduces sweat that makes you look weak. Finally, get your vision adjusted to wearing sunglasses constantly. In the process, you may forever fuck up your vision, but you'll be badass as hell!
Step 4: Interaction
Now when it comes to interacting with people, you have to keep it cool. First practice talking in a complete monotone. That's the first CRUCIAL step. Without the monotone, society can conform you and take over your soul. Once you sound like Ben Stein all day and all night, start to shorten your answers. Brooding psychotic badass anime characters rarely give dissertations as answers so keep it to one word answers like "Yes", "No", and "What". Another key thing is when someone addresses you and you can't see them (IE they're behind you) DON'T turn around. Reply from your current position. It makes you look confident and superior to the infidel that bothered addressing you. They don't even deserve your stare. There may be exceptions for fellow brooding psychotic badass anime character wanna be's, so you can stare at them for they are your equals (or if you're an evil badass anime character you can wait for them to turn around and whip out your letter opener of death and carve their ass a new face). When it comes to hot chicks, always get hurt attempting to save them, even if you can easily defend yourself. Maybe a nick on your shoulder or something. That way, it looks like you risked your own life to save hers. If I know real people, and I don't, she'll graciously reward you with a kiss or perhaps a night in bed. But be warned that if you go saving random people, you may get arrested for stalking and that's not cool. After saving them, don't think you can break the rules. Short word answers, and walk away as soon as you can. Make HER want YOU. And make sure that if you wrapped up your sister's pogo stick as your hidden object, you don't use it when saving her. That would be very very stupid. Always remember, your powers are reserved ONLY for hot chicks and perhaps family, but that's a gamble. When in battle, the most important thing to do is keep your emotions in check. Don't let him read you. Be cold, relentless, and accurate. If you know you're better than him, toy with his ass. Jab him in the arm and back off. Give him a chance to run. If he doesn't, proceed with a heavy beating. Then give him a second chance to leave. If yet again he tells you to go fuck a tree, you have to unleash your SUCCSESSION TECHNIQUE! (yea I'm biting off Kenshin, oh well fuck you). Whatever you do, this move has to make a lot of noise. It doesn't even matter if it does anything, as long as you scream gibberish in the process. Should your final technique ACTUALLY LAND, don't be surprised if you kill the guy. These kinds of things happen when you're a badass anime character. Always leave the battle scene as if you had not a care in the world. Like strolling away from a car crash.
Step 5: Giving us your Appreciation
Now that you're a badass anime character, you have to thank your masters (I mean it's a given). Since you'll be trying to repent for sins, running from the law, wandering through the world aimlessly, searching for fights, avenging a lost love or attempting to stop evil forces, you won't need your credit card number, social security number, address and phone number. Upon completion of the transformation, send us all those things and we will send you "How to become a Sailor Scout" and "How to become a Pokemon Trainer" for a low low price of... well you need not worry about it. Just send us your credit card number...