Ninja Turtles

It was in like first or second grade or something but I remember being outside Toys R Us with my grandmother. There was a huge, red poster outside for TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES II: THE ARCADE GAME. Holy fucking shit. As fast as I fucking could I got the damn game, went home, popped it in... AND GOT MY ASS KICKED LIKE SHIT. This game was almost completely impossible without the stupid code which I didn't even know about for I don't even know how long. But, God, this game was so tough back then when I barely had any hand-eye coordination. As I frantically mashed the A and B buttons trying to rape the foot soldiers and shit, I kept dying, and kept playing, and kept dying. About a year and a half later, there was the first Final Fantasy game I played with that kid across the street. This game was just flat out fucking badass, long, hard, enduring, fun as fuck. Once we finally beat it, we played it again. And then again. At some later point I got TMNT III. Now, I've never actually BEATEN this game and so blaming this on my young age and lack of overall videogame skill, I eventually just forgot about it. That is, until a few weeks ago.

One day Platy randomly decided to get his Nintendo working and a bunch of us went to his house to play. We put TMNT III in. And, friends, something happened to us that day. First we spent some time yelling the crap out of each other because some people wanted to pick fucked up characters like Michaelangelo whose special moves CLEARLY SUCKED. The best two guys are undeniably Raphael, with this sick drill, and Leonardo, with this spin that knocks the shit out of the surrounding guys. Remember that move when you press A and B at the same time, where they pick up the guys and chuck them? You'd be amazed at how amused we were at that shit, literally tossing bad guys left and right. God, it was awesome. The game was genius, you really have to pay attention to detail to see it. Like how in the surfing level the surfboards magically follow you when you jump? And how when you get hit and knocked up against the wall, the turtles spread their arms out like they're being crucified or some shit? And pink foot soldiers, WHY!? Oh my God, those orange-ish guys with those huge steel bars and little helmets that knocked the shit out of you? Why did they even exist? You try jump kicking them and you go flying at the wall, if you run at them they just knock the shit out of you? WHY? AND SOME OF THEM HAD BAZOOKAS.

What the fuck happened to shit like that? The energy, the enthusiasm, the shitty graphics and all the shit that didn't make sense? Now there are all these games with romance plotlines and shit, FUCK THAT, I say. Stick to the basic shit like TMNT and Contra. The violent nonsensical games, the ones that make you feel alive when you're sitting in a living room playing with your friends, yelling at each other and eating string cheese and shit, waiting till you have one bar of life and then spamming your super move, having the will to survive. I'm still...