evasource

After our experience being first in line for Star Wars Episode 2, we decided to go for a repeat this year. For some reason, Rao refused to drive to the theater and purchase tickets ahead of time. When I actually returned home from school, we went the Saturday before the screening to discover that all the seats had been sold out; at this point, Rao revealed that he thought the movie premier was a week later than it actually was, and I called him an idiot. He later redeemed himself by finding available tickets on Fandango, that crap service you see advertised before movies in commercials starring washed up and/or no name actors. Incidentally, whoever came up with the idea of running commercials before movies should be shot in the face. We purchase the tickets for more than we would have otherwise, confirming my belief that Fandango is a dirty scam. Paranoid about the possibility that we may actually not be first after all the shit we'd been through, Rao decided that it was necessary to arrive at the theater at 2:00 PM, otherwise known as "ten hours before the movie starts."

1:15: Rao arrives at my house with some brown robe he and Pavit stole from Party City for Halloween last year. Apparently, they just walked in, crammed the robes into their pants, and walked out. I'm not really sure what the hell they were dressing up as. After I give him a pair of scissors, he cuts the robe in half and ties it with some cord I found in my closet.

1:20: Rao needs some cash. In the car on the way to the bank, we come up with some witty, cutting shit to say to Star Wars fans just to be assholes.

1:30: We pull into the bank parking lot. "Yo, I'm going to go in my hood," Rao says, and steps out. He looks fucking ridiculous walking away from the car. A fat black woman, possibly named Shaniqua, beats him to the ATM machine. A small Indian woman is also ahead of him in line; he spends some time glowering at them and trying to elicit a response. When he returns to the car, he notes that he's gotten "two weird looks already." Also he announces that "if anyone says 'oh, are you here for Star Wars,' I'll be like 'no, asshole, this is how I always dress.'"

1:45: We go to buy sandwiches for the long wait ahead of us. The people working the counter ignore Rao's robe.

2:00: Mun arrives at the theater, and asks a girl working there where the Star Wars line is. The girl, clearly confused, tells him "Uh, I don't know... you should get here an hour before the movie starts." AWESOME. Mun wanders over to the side and just sits down.

2:05: We arrive and see Mun sitting on a bench, as first as it is possible to be.
Rao: "Dude, we're going to be waiting a fucking long time."
Me: "I fucking know."
We joke that it would be awesome if the theater had, for whatever reason, some weights for us to lift while we were waiting.

2:12: We decide to tell anyone that questions us that we're "waiting for the 8:10 showing of House of Wax." Alternatively, we'll claim we're waiting for Monster In Law.

2:25: Mun eats his sandwich. Impatient motherfucker.

3:01: A big black dude tells us to return the chairs we took from some adjacent display. Mun does so, while Rao continues sitting on his chair. We're pretty damn first, as noone else is in sight.

3:51: A girl passing by sees Rao, and looks at her watch. Damn, we kick ass.

3:54: During the day at Regal Cinemas, apparently noone actually does work. Some dude walks in looking for tickets, as no employees are manning the ticket counter. Not only that, noone is standing behind the concessions stand. The fact that he wants to pay when he could easily just walk into whatever movie he wants speaks of a level of honesty I really can't grasp. After we help him find a manager, some Indian dude asks us if we're in line for Star Wars, and we manage to use our prepared smartass lines. We should totally get paid for this shit.

4:00: Pavit, despite his assurances that he would arrive on time, is nowhere to be seen.

4:35: Some lady smiles at Rao. We call Pavit's cell and he reveals he's "running errands."

5:17: Pavit arrives, around an hour and seventeen minutes later than he was supposed to.

5:40: The second best arrives, some Indian kid who sits alone off to the side. We hear some employees muttering, "Star Wars. It doesn't even start till 12."

6:25: We notice that our tickets are for theater 7, which is down the hall, as opposed to theater 9, which is near us. We take some time to explore both, and Rao comes to the conclusion that the screen in theater 9 is larger. We begin to devise a way to get into theater 9.

6:49: Some Jewish guy nods and smiles at us playing Monopoly. Fuck you, we're the shit. - Tempest

6:55: Guy appears, smiling and confused as to why there is already a line. That's right bitch, we own you. - Tempest

7:14: We're totally dominating. - Tempest

7:16: Regal employee says "I'll play," in reference to Monopoly. No you won't, you fat bitch, the only thing you should be playing with is a treadmill. - Tempest

7:24: The manager explains to an old woman why we're sitting here.
Old Woman: "They're here for Star Wars...?"
Manager: "It's kind of a big thing..."
The manager also suggests we should play Star Wars Monopoly.

7:30: Someone calls Rao's cell and asks "are you going to Star Wars?" Also, Mun devastates in Monopoly.

8:00: Matt shows up.

9:00: The line has reached the door... not that we're anywhere near it, being first. We rule.

9:15: Pavit donates some money for kids with cancer and becomes a star of hope. Then Mun, Pavit, and Matt all sit on the bench attempting to solve Rubiks cubes. Only Mun can actually do it.

9:51: "They got here at 2!" some dude exclaims to his friend. "Holy shit," his friend responds.

10:00: Samir arrives... we send some people off to Pizza Hut to get some food.

10:15: "Two guys taking a piss in the bathroom are taking camera pics of each other," Pavit reports. Some dude is also in a bathrobe.

10:30: We take a group picture that's horribly off center. Matt and I go outside to take footage of the line; it has now reached the corner of the building.

10:35: We ask a nearby usher to take a group picture of us, and being somehow unfamiliar with the technology of a digital camera, she keeps fucking up, resulting in a "zoom situation." Eventually, to compensate, she moves all the way back to the concessions stand 50 feet away to take our picture.

10:37: There's fighting outside or something. I don't understand this note, but whatever. I must've written it down for a reason.

10:48: We walk into theater 9 when they begin preseating people.

10:50: Some dude two rows down is eating popcorn with chopsticks. What the fuck?

10:54: "There are a lot of fags," Pavit observes. We also see a group of people around our age and composed of the same number of people, wandering around looking for their seats. I assume they ended up going to theater 7. We rule.

11:14: After making some Star Trek jokes, we realize none of us remember what Star Wars Episode 2 was even about. Oh well, it sucked anyway.

11:38: On the way back from the bathroom, we pass by a long line of people.
Pavit: "Daaamn look at all the people buying tickets!"
Me: "Dude, that's the concessions stand."

12:00: The people behind us are annoying as hell.

12:01: The shit finally begins. The movie is better than the previous two, but its sure as hell not gonna be remembered for being The Godfather. Or even The Godfather Part 3.