Guilty Gear Review

In late November 2001, I was standing in an Electronics Boutique and holding two slim DVD cases; I had had a choice, then and there, between Capcom vs SNK 2 and Guilty Gear X. Intuition, as well as an appreciation for fine cover art, prompted me to select the latter; little did I know just how significant that seemingly minor decision would later prove to be.

Guilty Gear X is a ridiculously fun game and constantly astounding; even after over five consecutive months playing it, it still feels as fresh and addictive as ever. The most apt comparison one can possibly make is to say, quite simply, that Guilty Gear X is a drug. In terms of sheer graphics and gameplay it has absolutely no equals; by themselves, these qualities would qualify GGX as a great game. Unbelievably enough, whatever holy being equivalent created this game decided to make it even more awesome by producing some of the most awe inspiring character designers on the planet. For comparative purposes, compare the main characters of Street Fighter with the main characters of GGX; in SF you have Ken and Ryu, two guys in generic white and orange dojo uniforms. In a stroke of creative brilliance, these uniforms are torn, and Ryu even has a headband; we're not dealing with high art here, obviously, but surely these designs were the product of some desperate artistic dead end. Now look at GGX; more specifically, look at Sol and Ky. Sol looks like he'll kick the shit out of someone just for looking at him. He has long spiky hair and a sword, completely unsheathed, that looks like it's mainly intended to help clear rainforests. Ky is dressed like a god. He has one of the coolest uniforms ever made, with long flowing white robes, and a long electric sword practically taller than he is. As opposed to the random fists up fighting stance you see in Street Fighter, Ky holds his sword above his head and actually looks like he's going to move and kick ass, rather than walk nonchalantly toward some fat guy or an ass that stretches his legs. It isn't really difficult to see which game boasts superior designs, in addition to superior gameplay.

I would even go so far as to call it the greatest game I have ever played in my entire life. Fuck Diablo 2, fuck that Baldur's Gate bullshit, and fuck Counterstrike; they might as well be coasters compared to this bloody awesome disc. I maintain, with strong conviction, that the only reason God let people program computers was so this game would eventually be produced and given to us in neat, handy plastic containers.


It all started one night when I wanted to watch lots of fucking anime. I mean, like two days worth of anime. Like all our stupid ass ideas, me and Platy just ended up doing whatever. That whatever included this game called Guilty Gear. It was like anime come to life, but in my control. All the characters were so fucking cool looking…

"What the fuck... this game is so awesome" I remember saying. I still can't even understand why it took so long for this to come out. This game is clearly the zenith of the videogaming industry. But what got a higher rating?! CAN YOU GUESS?! SOME TRASHY ASS GAME CALLED MARVEL VS SNK 2... WHAT THE FUCK! THAT GAME IS BY FAR THE STUPIDEST PIECE OF TRASHY SHIT EVER... I FEEL VERY MAD THAT ITS EVEN CONSIDERED GUILTY GEAR'S EQUAL. I HOPE THE MAKERS OF THAT GAME DIE FROM EATING TOO MUCH OF THEIR OWN SHIT.


Is it just me or are these getting shorter and more degenerate..

Ok well it started one day when I went to Platy's house to do some physics homework.. I saw the box lying there and flipped through the book every couple minutes.. my urge to play rising as I saw the awesome characters (it was only later I noticed their strange hobbies like "drawing pictures" and "chasing cats"). So anyway, we started playing, blah blah blah.. and GUILTY GEAR KICKS ASS. OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW. YOU HAVE NO IDEA SHUT THE FUCK UP. I've never actually played or seen Capcom vs. SNK 2 but it probably GIVES GUILTY GEAR HEAD EVERY GOD DAMN NIGHT SHUT UP. Guilty Gear is such a godly game.. the characters.. the animation.. the moves.. everything, literally. BUY IT RIGHT NOW STOP JACKING OFF GO BUY IT AND PLAY IT FOR HOURS LIKE WE DO YOU FUCKING JACKASSES.